Well well well. Where on earth has 2014 gone? This year has been a big one for me: I finished Uni, graduated, travelled to some breathtaking places, skydived, turned 21, met new people, found a new church and stepped onto the first rung of the employment ladder by landing myself a dream internship. Oh, and I deliberately did not go on any dates for the whole year (but I was very tempted to break it once). The internet seems to be awash at the moment with ‘2014 in review’ articles from the likes of Facebook and Spotify and, in many ways, this post is my personal version. It is a summary of what I have learned, found difficult and experienced. So, here it goes…
I began this year with many of my friends having set wedding dates for summer 2014 and me simultaneously feeling a bit down that I was seemingly ‘unwanted’ at 21 and yet recognising what a ridiculous thought this was. Indeed, I really disliked myself for thinking like this. In short, I was not recognising that being single was as much as a gift from God as a relationship was. Indeed my moping was getting in the way of God and I. Something needed to be done, hence the somewhat drastic move to purposefully remove myself from the possibility of a relationship for a whole year. The verse which was a kind of a sub-heading or aim was Jeremiah 29v13: ‘You will search for me. And when you search for me with all your heart, you will find me.’ If I could sum up this year it would be that I found God in a new way and in ways I cannot really explain. As I began put aside the distractions of relationships and focused on Him, something fresh and deeper between us began to emerge. I fell in love with Him more.
One of the highlights for me, and what I am probably most grateful for, was God dealing with my penchant for worry. Being in third and final year of University is a stressful time for students and my head was having a party thinking about jobs, degree class, moving back home etc. One evening, I was reflecting on Psalm 46v1 and the idea of God as my ‘refuge and strength.’ I had never really thought of God as somewhere I could shelter from things that were worrying me and, honestly, from that evening on, I did not experience stress towards my dissertation, exams, future etc. It was such a revelation that I believe it healed me. Those six months from January to June were the calmest I have ever felt during a major academic season. I probably began to boarder on complacency instead!
One of the harder parts of this year, however, has been facing my questions on God’s view of sex and relationships. I began to explore why God says the things he says in order to really believe it for myself. I actually found it a really frustrating and uncomfortable exercise. These included the no sex before marriage conundrum and lust but mainly, the issue of a wife’s submission to her husband. If you know me then you will know that this does not fail to get me talking. Indeed, if you had wanted to annoy me then you went there! I had a bit of a rant about it in one of my early posts only to turn around a month or so later and admit I was wrong. I’m not going to re-hash it all here but if you scroll down then you will find the evidence for my change of heart (spoiler: Paul is really talking about mutual submission on both parties’ sides rather than just the wife’s).
As the year has been coming to an end, the focus has been less on the learning and more on the practising. My opportunity to prove how much I had taken in came mid November when I was caught off guard by the one thing I had assumed would never happen: I was asked out by a lovely, funny gentleman whom I had met a few days previously. Who could turn down such an attractive offer? Not me it seems! I was, and still am, so flattered that it really put a spring in my step. It took the amount of time to write it in my diary to realise what I had done… agreed to go on a date during a year when I was not supposed to be dating. I was SO tempted to go; what harm would it do to spend a couple of hours with a new acquaintance? As he isn’t a Christian, I would sound weird trying to explain why I could not go, right? Did ‘drinks’ even constitute a date? Despite all my rationalisations, it still did not sit right with me and I knew I could not go in good conscious knowing what I had promised myself and God. I have always envisioned this thing ending on 1st January 2015 and me having to say no if needs be. I went to bed that night praying that God would give me an unmissable sign about what to do.
Predictably, He did. Picking up my Bible devotional the next morning gave me my answer in the form of Psalm 65v1: ‘God, you will be praised in Jerusalem. We will keep our promises to you.’ You know when things just hit you? In that moment, I knew I had to risk sounding super weird and obey God. I can’t just follow Jesus when it’s easy and when I’m not tempted. True worship and truly honouring Him is obeying Him in all situations even when I don’t feel like it. Thankfully, mystery man didn’t seem too weirded out and said he understood. What a nice guy.
This whole episode has got me thinking about my ‘dating values’ that had been mentioned during a seminar on relationships that I went to at Momentum this year. How do I feel about going out with non-Christians etc? Alot to think about! Although I love being a Christian, it doesn’t make things like this half complicated!
Summarising this summary, I would say this year has been nothing short of brilliant and more than I could have imagined. I am actually quite proud of myself for completing it but, boy, am I looking forward to it being over! I’m excited about putting it all into practice for real and seeing what is next for me. My aim is, as I have said before, to purse Jesus as fast as I can and ensure He is the centre. From there, I can’t go far wrong. I would recommend the experiment I have done this year to anyone. To really go for it with God, purposefully, for a whole year with no distractions because, as Jeremiah says, when you really go for it, you will find Him.
Thoughts... 