In recent posts, I have concentrated mainly on the joys I have discovered about being single but here, I want to address one of the awkward difficulties: sexual desire. Granted, this is a struggle for every relationship status to some extent but I want to specifically write for singles, those who do not have a husband or wife (/to -be). If one is single and has no prospect of marriage any time soon, how on earth is one supposed to control raging hormones and natural desires? I hope in this post to suggest some ways in answer to this question.
Firstly, though, why is this such a problem? Why does God ask us to save sex for marriage? I have wrestled with this question for ages. Whilst I definitely don’t agree with abusing sex through one night stands etc, I was (and still am to an extent) uncomfortable believing that two people who are committed to each other could not have sex without being married. More pressingly, perhaps, what happens if you never get married? Plus, doesn’t all this talk of purity just seem really boring? Aren’t there more important things to be tackling like world hunger than worrying about if a loving couple are having sex outside of marriage? These are all questions I have and I’m sure others do too. This is part of the problem: Christians don’t talk about sex, if they do, it’s not a comfortable discussion. A bit like Miranda Hart who can’t even bring herself to say the word. It has been my experience growing up in church, that we were taught that sex outside of marriage was wrong and that we just shouldn’t do it. However, I was never told why. As I began to make my faith my own rather than just a label I had because of my parents, I wanted to know the answer. I believe that if we understand the reasons behind God’s request, then we are more likely to pursue it willingly and be successful. Aside from all the unwanted pregnancy, STD arguments I have heard trying to convince me that I should save sex for marriage, the major one is this: the word in the original Greek (I think?) used in Genesis 2v24 ‘and they shall become one flesh’ is the same word used to describe the wholeness of God Himself. Whoa. The implications for this are surely massive. Sex then becomes a picture of who God is and His complete and perfect character. By having sex outside of marriage we are distorting this- which is a pretty big deal.
Still, this doesn’t stop the fact that we all experience strong sexual desires for which singles have no outlet. So, how can we manage them in a healthy Godly way? I think it is really important to note that such feelings are not in themselves bad. I would even say they are good: God created them!! It is what we do with them that creates the problem. Here are a few thoughts, then, on how Christian singles can deal with this.
1) Marriage.
I kind of have to put this one in there although for obvious reasons, I don’t think it’s very helpful on a daily basis. In 1 Corinthians 7v9, Paul quite literally says ‘if you can’t control yourselves, you should get married. It is better to get married than to burn with sexual longing.’ If this is the situation you find yourself in, you should pursue marriage. Of course, not everyone will get married so we need other strategies.
2) Do not let unhelpful thoughts develop in your mind.
We’ve all had it, out of nowhere a certain thought comes into our minds which we know we shouldn’t entertain but we can’t resist so said fantasy plays out. The Bible says we should ‘take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ’ (2 Corinthians 10v5). Practically, for me anyway, this simply (I say simply…) means shutting down the thought the second it appears, before it has time to progress and thus becomes more difficult to ignore. We have been commanded to love God with all our heart, mind, soul and strength. Also, pray as soon as you feel tempted. Remember, God understands our struggles.
3) Know your triggers.
Linked to #2 is knowing what material triggers such thoughts and doing your best to avoid them. Maybe it’s erotic books, lads mags, Rihanna’s music videos. You get the picture.
The next three I have plagiarised from this article
(http://www.covenanteyes.com/2010/05/13/3-biblical-strategies-for-fighting-lust/) which I found today. It is one of the best articles I have found on this subject. It is based on 2 Timothy 2v22 “So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.”
4) Run from… ‘youthful passions.’
A bit like the above two points, the article tells us to mentally, visually and physically run from such temptations.
5) Run to… ‘faith, love, and peace.’
Let it be our motivation that we are pursuing something amazing. We know that when we stumble, we are falling into total forgiveness and chance after chance after chance.
6) Run with… ‘those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.’
This is such an important one: let’s encourage one another in our struggles. Yes, this is a bit of an embarrassing topic but it will be so much easier if we run together.
No one said this would be easy, there are days where I think God should just lighten up or be more realistic as to how difficult lust and singleness is when there is no prospect of marriage. But, I firmly believe that He has our best at heart and if resisting lust is what is required, we should try our absolute best knowing that He understands and loves us.
I hope this is somewhat helpful. Let me know your thoughts. Is there anything that can be added to the list?
Until next time.
PS I think this article is really honest and funny about this whole issue http://www.todayschristianwoman.com/articles/2000/january/confessions-of-sex-starved-single.html?start=1